I Had a Little Crisis

Today, actually. I started thinking about my future and what I wanted to do and where I wanted to go...all that stuff...and I got discouraged. I freaked out. Although I tolerate my job right now because it pays well and is flexible, I don't want to be there for the rest of my life. I say that because there are several people who have worked there since the plant opened. They are really bitter and complain all the time. 

But I want to be free! I want to be a professional. A professional what, you may ask? I don't know, but something to which I could feel professional about. Maybe opening a practice to be a therapist. Maybe having an antiques store. Or, I could do some sort of consulting. In any case, I want to feel that I have a great deal of knowledge about what I do and that I am really making a difference in my field. I don't get that feeling working at the Postal Service. Even if I work as hard as I can all the mail just seems to come back the next day. 

I'm kind of feeling like I need to get down to business and figure out what I really want. I will be graduating from the U in a year, with two bachelor's degrees to show for it. After that I'll have to try to go to grad school or try to find a job, or both. While I'm excited for a change, I'm also scared that I'll have nowhere to go. I don't think my degrees are worthless necessarily, but I most probably need to go to grad school to fully implement them. But I'm sick of school...

What I think this anguish comes from is a lack of knowledge on my part. I've calmed down now and I've decided to look into what sort of careers I'd be interested in and then see what I need to do for them. And, if I take a year off from school, it's not going to hurt me. I'm still young. 

Maybe I'll move to Portland. I friend told me the economy isn't very good there, but I should see what I can find. The idea of packing up and moving to a whole new city is pretty exciting to me, even though I just had to unpack here. There's something about mobility that is invigorating. It brings new energy to a person. 

That's it. My outburst has been contained. I thought I would write about this since I usually write emotionless posts. 

On the Move

I have been moving my things into my new apartment all evening. Yes, we found a place. I'm too dog tired to write much about it here tonight. I'm going to relax by playing my Wii. Later.

Dinosaur Cheerleaders

This evening has seen the end of yet another day of searching for apartments. Joey and I made a goal of moving out by the end of June and so we have been tirelessly searching for a place. We have walked through around ten apartments and have looked at online and called infinitely more. At this point all of the ads are starting to look the same.

So far, no luck. We did find a place that we really liked, with lots of room and a cool fireplace, but so did several other people. We weren't picked, and I kind of feel like I've just been rejected. For several days after we got the news we weren't getting the place I felt like I should go see the apartment and yell at it, or ask it to give us a second chance. And then I came to the conclusion that the best revenge is living well. When I run into the apartment at the grocery store, I will look so confident that it will feel bad.

Finding a good apartment (or anywhere to live, for that matter) is a lot like getting into a relationship. You have to make sure that you will enjoy being in the apartment for the long term, not just now. You can't be dazzled by superficial good looks; you must look deeper. There is another apartment we have in mind and we have turned in applications. But, we are looking at a few more too. It's good to play the field.

The other half of moving in is moving out. I have begun the seemingly herculean task of sorting through and boxing everything. I am glad that I don't have very many things to pack away, but I do have plenty of big objects. I had to go through my collection of origami I've folded over the past few years and decide which ones to keep and which ones to recycle. It was like Schindler's list...without the Nazis. Every day my apartment looks more and more bare. All of my things, which gave the place a certain feel and personality are going away. I like to think that I will leave a lasting legacy on this apartment though. I did paint. Hopefully the next person who moves in will leave their fingerprints too.

Please wish me luck. We hope to apply for a few more places while we wait to hear about another place we've applied for. With a little bit of unicorn blood, we can make it happen...