I Had a Little Crisis

Today, actually. I started thinking about my future and what I wanted to do and where I wanted to go...all that stuff...and I got discouraged. I freaked out. Although I tolerate my job right now because it pays well and is flexible, I don't want to be there for the rest of my life. I say that because there are several people who have worked there since the plant opened. They are really bitter and complain all the time. 

But I want to be free! I want to be a professional. A professional what, you may ask? I don't know, but something to which I could feel professional about. Maybe opening a practice to be a therapist. Maybe having an antiques store. Or, I could do some sort of consulting. In any case, I want to feel that I have a great deal of knowledge about what I do and that I am really making a difference in my field. I don't get that feeling working at the Postal Service. Even if I work as hard as I can all the mail just seems to come back the next day. 

I'm kind of feeling like I need to get down to business and figure out what I really want. I will be graduating from the U in a year, with two bachelor's degrees to show for it. After that I'll have to try to go to grad school or try to find a job, or both. While I'm excited for a change, I'm also scared that I'll have nowhere to go. I don't think my degrees are worthless necessarily, but I most probably need to go to grad school to fully implement them. But I'm sick of school...

What I think this anguish comes from is a lack of knowledge on my part. I've calmed down now and I've decided to look into what sort of careers I'd be interested in and then see what I need to do for them. And, if I take a year off from school, it's not going to hurt me. I'm still young. 

Maybe I'll move to Portland. I friend told me the economy isn't very good there, but I should see what I can find. The idea of packing up and moving to a whole new city is pretty exciting to me, even though I just had to unpack here. There's something about mobility that is invigorating. It brings new energy to a person. 

That's it. My outburst has been contained. I thought I would write about this since I usually write emotionless posts.