I Had a Little Crisis

Today, actually. I started thinking about my future and what I wanted to do and where I wanted to go...all that stuff...and I got discouraged. I freaked out. Although I tolerate my job right now because it pays well and is flexible, I don't want to be there for the rest of my life. I say that because there are several people who have worked there since the plant opened. They are really bitter and complain all the time. 

But I want to be free! I want to be a professional. A professional what, you may ask? I don't know, but something to which I could feel professional about. Maybe opening a practice to be a therapist. Maybe having an antiques store. Or, I could do some sort of consulting. In any case, I want to feel that I have a great deal of knowledge about what I do and that I am really making a difference in my field. I don't get that feeling working at the Postal Service. Even if I work as hard as I can all the mail just seems to come back the next day. 

I'm kind of feeling like I need to get down to business and figure out what I really want. I will be graduating from the U in a year, with two bachelor's degrees to show for it. After that I'll have to try to go to grad school or try to find a job, or both. While I'm excited for a change, I'm also scared that I'll have nowhere to go. I don't think my degrees are worthless necessarily, but I most probably need to go to grad school to fully implement them. But I'm sick of school...

What I think this anguish comes from is a lack of knowledge on my part. I've calmed down now and I've decided to look into what sort of careers I'd be interested in and then see what I need to do for them. And, if I take a year off from school, it's not going to hurt me. I'm still young. 

Maybe I'll move to Portland. I friend told me the economy isn't very good there, but I should see what I can find. The idea of packing up and moving to a whole new city is pretty exciting to me, even though I just had to unpack here. There's something about mobility that is invigorating. It brings new energy to a person. 

That's it. My outburst has been contained. I thought I would write about this since I usually write emotionless posts. 

Number Five is Still Alive

And so am I. I was hoping I could easily set up my network today, but I can't seem to figure out how. I'm stealing this signal from someone else. I feel kind of bad about that, so I will try to get the network set up somehow.

I have made the decision to start selling Fire King stuff on Ebay. This seems only natural because I love Fire King and I can't possibly keep all of the things I have been getting lately. I have gone several times to the DI (a thrift store in Utah owned by the Mormons, if you didn't know) and I've found some good things. I haven't ever sold anything online, so it will be a good first experience I think. I'll let you know how things work out.

I'm going to Portland tomorrow, and I am quite excited. This should be fun not only because I'll be doing fun things, but also because I'll be discovering new places and seeing new things. It's a temporary shift for my normal life. I will definitely take some pictures and talk about my trip later.

I have been wanting to play with new media for some time, but I haven't yet decided what I should experiment with. I really like the idea of creating an audio record of some of the things I do and I would like to shoot some footage of activities I do while in the moment. Anyone have any suggestions? I would have to buy equipment either way.

As soon as I get my network set up I will write more meaningful posts. I also hope to start up the soda reviews again.

Disappearing Cars

I was on my way to work this morning when I noticed a man walking along the side of the road. This being the freeway I was sort of confused. About 100 feet in front of this man a street-sweeper busily worked. I had no idea how he would get around that and dodge the stream of cars flying by him at the same time.

It did remind of several dreams I've had in the past. They begin with me driving in a normal fashion, but as time goes by more and more of the car disappears until there is nothing left. I'm running on the road, pretending to be a car. It's a strange feeling because it is something I've never experienced in real life. I have never walked down the freeway.

I have heard that being on a motorcycle gives you a much different perspective on the road because you are not encased in metal; you are free to look in many different directions. That freedom gives a more tangible and distinctive feel of the road and everything you pass by. I like that concept. I would like to be able to engage in mundane activities in new ways. Walk down a road instead of drive. Take all the furniture from the living room and set it up in a field. Blindfold myself for a day. I think the world is so complex that even the things we think we know all about have extra dimensions we haven't yet discovered. I noticed this the other day when I walked down the sidewalk on the opposite side of my apartment. Although I had seen the view dozens of times, the slight difference in being on the West side of the street instead of the East made everything look different.

I think that man walking along the freeway must have been experiencing a completely different scene than myself. He would have seen the heat wafting up from the asphalt, felt the swirl of air as cars went by and seen the patterns of cars as some would were allowed through the stoplight and others not.

I want to find something new like that in something old. I'm going to start looking soon.